“We’re joining you this evening from The Moorside in Woodhouse
For what could be one of the most important frames of Stan’s life
Let’s go table side and see what the players think.”

(Pre-match talk…)

Once upon a time in Woodhouse
And we go down, go down to the Moorside

With two clicks open a case,
Reach inside and take out two piece cue
“What’s that?”
Now right lively, join and screw together ‘til tight
Alright, that’ll do, cue assembled
Now apply good quality green chalk
Now you’re ready to approach the table.

Once at the table, standing astride with one leg bent and the other straight
Lean your torso 90 degrees forward
At the same time take your leading hand and place it on the beautiful green baize
Spreading your fingers, just lift and make a bridge
Tucking your thumb in to form an instant cue shaft
Adjust to whatever feels comfortable
With that, bring your chin down, onto cue
Let your eyes scan Stan, lining it up centre
Pick out white to red and when you’re feeling sharp,
Lock on focus click into zone and with one movement, feel the motion,
Carry that action forward
Now just smash them off
“Smash them off there Paddy!”

Once upon a time in Woodhouse
And we go down, go down to the Moorside
Deep side of town.

One frame at a time, find the right line, show no emotion
Hold tight for position, pause
Now strike while the iron is hot
Go on! Take on a long shot to nothing
Keep your opponent guessing, watch him start sweating
Now he’s doing his own head in
Butt stuck in his seat, struggling to admit to defeat
To the better man on the day,
Like Mr Higgins you blew him away, cos you weren’t trying
Don’t laugh now, but he’s nearly crying
As he offers his clammy, cold, wet handshake
“But you got all the run, you got all the breaks.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah”
“Anyway me tip didn’t feel right, think I need a new one”
Excuses, excuses
I’ve heard ‘em all before
“And I’m carrying that sort of baggage around with me
And I’m trying my hardest, you know and, er, I might need some time out”
Just let it go man, you know, it’s only a game.

Once upon a time in Woodhouse
And we go down, go down to the Moorside
Deep side of town.

“And now, for the tip of the week!”

Just remember, when you miss a shot
“Oh piss off, what a pile of fucking shite”
Don’t beat yourself up too much.
Try to remain positive,
Just wipe it out of your mind and move on with patience,
Just wait for the next opportunity
“Come back to snooker, clean, fresh and wanting to play”
Life’s like a game of snooker,
Let it be free, but always have safety in mind
“It’s like an escapism for me”
“I was snookered on the black”
Kékey, kékey, what a radgy
I think you better do one

Once upon a time in Woodhouse
And we go down, go down to the Moorside
Deep side of town.